Things I'll Never Say
by Moonlit Seductress
Summary: Various characters reflect on Hawkeye after his death, and the things they would have liked to tell him. Rated S for sappiness


Disclaimer: I'm telling you, they're really aren't mine! I know you all think they are, but they're not! The title is property of Avril Lavigne, and all the stuff associated with her.  
  
Ok, this is a quick, one - shot story, that may be continued. The title is the Avril Lavigne song, "Things I'll Never Say". The basic idea is all the main characters reflecting on the death of Hawkeye, and the things they wished they'd told him before he died.  
Things I'll Never Say  
Klinger's POV  
  
You know, I was the second one to get the news. I just happened to be readjusting my pantyhose next to the phone, when Radar picked it up. I watched all the colour slide from his face. He hung up, before dropping dully into the chair. "What's wrong, kid?" I asked him. He raised his eyes towards me, eyes that were quickly filling with tears. He had always made sure to "be a man", and not cry in front of others, so something really bad must have happened to make him forget that.  
  
I'll never forget the way I felt when those words escaped his lips. "Hawkeye's dead." Just like that. I clearly remember what I said. "Oh God, no." I had never actually told Hawkeye what a great guy he was, even though he was an officer. God, I'll miss him.  
  
Radar's POV  
  
Sometimes I hate this job. So much paperwork, so many signatures, and so many phone calls. The worst part is receiving the bad news. I was the one to open that telegram, saying that Henry was dead. And that was equally as bad as that phone call, when that lieutenant from the aid station called, saying Hawkeye's jeep had been struck by a shell just upon entering their area.  
  
I wish I was far away from all of this. Two of the greatest guys in the whole world are dead, all because of this stupid war. At least with Henry, I kinda got to tell him what he meant to me, but not Hawkeye. Sure, I know he knew I really liked him, but I never told him just how much. Just like Henry was like my dad, Hawkeye was like an older brother, the person I could go to with all my problems. It's kind of hard knowing I'll never hear him make fun of my height again.  
  
Colonel Potter's POV  
  
I've been in this man's army for 46 years now, so death is not an unfamiliar thing - not to mention the fact that I'm a doctor. But the death of someone you considered a close friend, really hits you where it hurts.  
  
I know as the commander, I'm not supposed to create "friendships" with my troops, but when you go through this kind of horror, you can't help but grown close to the people around you. And Pierce - Hawkeye -, was one of the best people to have around. He always knew not just what to say, but when and when not to say it. He and BJ were quite a pair, with the jokes, and the wisecracks, and the strings that held them together. He was the only one to get Margaret to open up - or get Burns to shut up. It's sad that I'll never be able to tell my friend that he was exactly that - a friend, for who I have the utmost respect.  
  
Father Mulcahey's POV  
  
I would not say that I am a strong man. I draw my strength from God - so sometimes, he cannot help me. And when I received the news about Hawkeye, that was one of those times.  
  
Even though he wasn't often a picture of piousness, and either slept through, or didn't show up to most of my sermons, I think Hawkeye was one of the best men I have ever met - caring, compassionate and so violently opposed to the madness we are here for. The ways of the Lord are not always seen clearly, but He does things for a purpose. Rest in peace, Hawkeye, and may God always be with you.  
  
Frank's POV  
  
Oh nerts. I just heard that that delinquent Pierce has gone out and gotten himself killed. So like him, leaving the rest of us to do the work. Boy, some guys can be so selfish.  
  
The colonel and everybody are having a party for him. Huh. I'll bet if I would die, no one would even invite me to the party. Margaret just told me she's going, though I can't understand why, she told me she had a headache. Well, I for one am not going to some party for an unpatriotic and gin - guzzling dead man. I'm going to stay right here and trim my nose hair.  
  
Trapper's POV  
  
I'm never getting the mail again. That letter was the worst thing in my life I have ever received - worse than my draft notice. I can't believe that my best friend, Hawkeye Pierce, is dead.  
  
You know, when the war was over, I was going to invite him to my place here in Boston, and we were going to get drunk out of our skulls - just like old times. But I guess that's never gonna happen. Hawk will never again request a martini so dry, there's dust on the olive.  
  
I thank Margaret for telling me right away, I couldn't have lived through calling him at home, and his dad telling me he bought it in Korea. I just wish I had gotten to thank him for being there for me during my stay at that 5 star cockroach hotel. For being my pillar of strength.  
  
Margaret's POV  
  
There are many things I regret not doing in my life. Leaving the army and settling down, for one thing. And not telling the man I love that I love him. And now it's too late.  
  
When Radar came over the PA with that announcement, I collapsed. That man that I didn't even realize I had feelings for, was dead. And now I'll never get to tell him that.  
  
Frank was here a while ago, nosing around me. I sent him away, wondering why I ever started up with that lipless weasel anyways. I went to the Swamp and found Hawkeye's bathrobe - that ratty, red flannel robe I thought I hated, but realized I love. I took it back to my tent, put it on, and felt closer to him. But because of my stupid, irrational fears, I'll never get any closer than that.  
  
And finally, BJ's POV  
  
Do you ever notice how you take people for granted? A friend, for example. They become part of your daily routine, almost part of the furniture. Something that's always there. Then, all of a sudden, they've left you, and now you realize how important they really were. And how hard it is to get along without them.  
  
Coming to grips with the fact that Hawkeye was never going to be working with me on a patient in OR, handing me an antifreeze martini, or throwing his dirty socks at me, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I seriously doubt I'll ever have the same relationship with anyone else. It's going to be hard here, without his practical jokes and snappy comebacks, and I'll really miss him. I just wish I could have told him all this while he was around.  
  
Yay! Done! Or is it? That's up to you people. In the reviews I'm hoping you'll send, tell me if you want this continued. In the meantime, I'm trying to get an idea for a M*A*S*H poem, but I have writer's block. If you have any ideas, feel free to dish 'em up! 


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